Knowing the secondary school Senco

The Senco is the Special Educational Needs Coordinator of a school. They coordinate TAs and support for pupils with a Statement or ECHP (Education and Health Care Plan). The Senco will also make teachers aware of special needs pupils within their classes and is responsible for sorting out Statements and EHCPs.

Having a good relationship with the Senco is essential. Remember they are there to help you and your child as well as the TAs and teachers. You will see the Senco when your child has their annual review, which is when you have a meeting to review the Statement or EHCP to check everything is up to date and still applicable. This is also when any amendments or changes would be made. However, I would also recommend meeting the Senco when possible in addition to the annual review and ensure you keep in close contact regarding any issues or stresses your child is facing.

Even with a Statement or EHCP in place, it can feel like some school staff don't understand all the needs of your child. The Senco can help by informing or reminding staff of specific issues or triggers your child faces so that lessons go as smoothly as possible. As I said in a previous post, at our school it's possible to email staff with any queries. This is a wonderful tool and I recommend using it (if you have access) whenever you need to, to get a message to the Senco. A quick email first thing in the morning can ensure a massive stress for your child is sorted out before they even reach school. If you don't have this particular method of communication, then phone the school or Senco when you need to, so that messages get through to the right person.

A good Senco will be happy for your input and will appreciate all you do to get your child to school - especially on those really stressful mornings when everything is crazy and nobody's had any sleep! A good relationship with the Senco will help all of you incredibly as you'll be working together as a team rather than feeling like you're going into battle with school.

The Great Importance of Listening

(Apologies - just after I decided to keep my blog more up to date, everyone got ill, including our dog(!) so once again it's been longer than I hoped).

In this blog post I want to focus on the teenager with autism and anxiety.
I think it's very easy to assume that when our children become teenagers, they no longer require as much input from us. However I want to challenge that way of thinking. I think our teenagers need us just as much as they ever did.

One of the best ways to support your teenager is to make sure you really listen to them when they're talking. Take an interest in what they're saying even if it might seem mundane. Know their lives, their teachers and TAs, their friends, their timetables. Know when they have exams or tests and in what subjects. By taking an interest in all of these things you will understand their lives much better than if you stop listening as soon as they reach the age of 13. You can genuinely take an interest when they tell you their friend was off school ill. You can sympathise when they have a subject they don't like or are worried about a test. An excellent way to reduce anxiety is to know exact details about your teenager's life so you can have conversations with them that matter to them. Being able to unload their stresses or talk about their successes to you will help incredibly.

A clear sign that your teen is stressed is by them not wanting to talk or by them getting frustrated with everyone. Often this can be diffused by asking simple questions about the day to breakdown exactly what might be causing the stress:
"Was Daniel back at school today?" (you know from talking previously to your teen that Daniel is a good friend and he was off the previous day)
"How did English go?" (you know from talking previously to your teen that English was a particular issue today due to the work involved)
"How was the science test?" (you know from talking previously to your teen that the science test was a big stress)
"Did you get a chance to talk to Mrs Jones about the computers homework?" (you know from previously talking to your teen that this homework was especially tricky and therefore extra stressful)
Often, once you've asked a few specific questions, your teen will feel much calmer and react in a more rational way. You're helping them to unwind and feel safe. By knowing particular facts about your teen, he/she will really know that you are interested in his/her life and this will reduce stress and anxiety.

I'd also recommend not having other distractions. Don't be looking at a mobile phone or tablet while 'listening' to them - this will make them think you don't care. Put distractions aside and really focus on your teen. If there are other children around (which I totally understand as a mum of 3), ask them to wait or do something else while to talk to your teen. Teenagers with autism need to know that you can hear them and if other people are trying to talk at the same time or you have one eye on your mobile phone, it will cause more anxiety and stress for them as they feel unable to engage fully with you.

In summary, listen without distractions and take a genuine interest in your teenager.
Thanks for reading!

World Autism Awareness Day - insight into Autism...

I can't believe it's a whole year since I posted on my blog! My new post is once again about autism. It's not written to make people feel sorry for me or because I need encouragement - it's written to help other parents of children with autism to know they're not alone, and to give people with no first hand experience of autism an insight into what life with autism can be like. This is written to coincide with World Autism Awareness Day 2014...

Last weekend Sam (who is now 10) went to his first ever sleepover at a friend's house. This was a massive step for him as he generally hates being outside of what he knows and never voluntarily wants to even play at a friend's house, let alone stay over night. However, Sam has made friends with a lovely boy at school, who is very similar to him and sympathetic to Sam's ways. This friend had a party at his house a few weeks ago and after enjoying that a lot, Sam said he would like to go to his house for a sleepover. The time was arranged between us mums and on Saturday afternoon we dropped Sam and his scooter off at his friend's house. Waving goodbye to him was really strange and he looked as if he might cry but managed not to.

The next morning (Mother's Day), we picked Sam up on our way to church. When I first saw him, I thought he looked really tired and when I found out both he and his friend had been awake at 4am, I knew the reason why! Not helped by the clocks changing and having one less hour in bed. Sam's friend's mum said everything had gone well and welcomed Sam to come again anytime. We left and headed to church.

Sam was very quiet in the car and barely spoke despite our questions about how much he enjoyed himself. He almost seemed in shock, which in a way, he was. After church (it being Mother's Day) we headed to McDonalds to get some lunch - this is generally a safe place to get food because all the children like it. Sam remained quiet and kept saying how tired he was. It emerged that having woken up at 4am, Sam was unable to get back to sleep so he simply lay awake until everyone got up at about 7.30. He said he missed me lots - especially in the middle of the night when he couldn't get back to sleep.

The afternoon consisted of the children flopping in front of a film while I did some sewing, and at 5.30pm we ordered food from our local Indian Take Away - my Mother's Day treat! We all ate together having cooked some chicken nuggets for Sam (who doesn't like Indian food) and combining them with popadums and naan bread which he does like. However everything was wrong, the chicken nuggets weren't right, and Sam got upset because he never actually said he wanted them in the first place (we simply cooked them to save him having to decide as decisions cause him major stress). He dissolved next to me in a heap of tears. It was obvious he was just too tired and stressed to cope with even eating so we simply got him ready for bed.

Sam fell asleep almost instantly (even without his prescribed Melatonin!), an exhausted wreck. At 3am he came into our bedroom because he couldn't sleep. He was really worried about going to school the next day and couldn't relax. I took him back to bed and tried to calm him down and encourage him. I said he could listen to his Ipod to help him relax but this only stressed him more because he didn't know which song to listen to, and he felt he had to stay awake to switch it off (the correct thing to do) even though I said he could fall asleep with it on. At 5am I heard loud sobbing. I went back into his room and found Sam in floods of tears - he'd seen the time and realised how long he'd been awake for and now this was stressing him out! I climbed into bed with him and hugged him tight. I told him not to worry about school and promised he could stay at home the next day. Immediately he relaxed and managed to calm down. I said I really felt he needed more time to 'recover' from being away from home and his tiredness. We lay together and chatted about his time away and he finally released some of the details about the time at his friend's house. This seemed to relax him even more. Nothing was bad, it was just all different to normal, and that's what he couldn't cope with. I left him much happier this time, relaxed in the knowledge that he could go to sleep without having to worry about school or being tired at school. I called the school at 5.30am (and left a message) to say he wouldn't be in. He slept until 9am.

Monday was spent relaxing at home, with normal food, drinks, drawing, books, TV and the Wii. He seemed back to his normal self again.

Something that to most children would be exciting, like a sleepover, becomes a massive problem to a child with autism. Being outside a comfort zone can be unbearable. As with everything to do with autism, slow and calm is the way to move forward. By Tuesday, school was not the massive issue it had been on Sunday night/Monday morning, Sam simply needed time...and lots of TLC which I never mind!

Baby wipes

This is a very brief but helpful suggestion for storage of baby wipes or any other household wipes. Store the pack upside down before and during use. This will ensure that the wipes you are using are always as moist and effective as possible because the moisture will stay at the top of the pack! Simple but it works!

Keep packed lunch food chilled easily

Keeping packed lunch food at the right temperature when it's going to be kept all day in a hot school is not always easy. The last thing you want is your child to get ill because they've eaten something that's become too warm. You can put an ice pack in their packed lunch box but I find the easiest thing to do is freeze the food you want to be chilled or place it next to something frozen to keep it cool until it's time to eat. I do this for sandwiches and fromage frais. Check on the packaging if things are suitable for freezing before trying this. I freeze the fromage frais that come in tubes and place them in the lunch box on the morning of the day they will be eaten. I also freeze bread and rolls. If I'm making a sandwich which needs to be kept cool, I take the roll or bread out of the freezer the night before to butter it, then place it back in the freezer overnight. In the morning I simply add the cheese or other filling, then place the sandwich in the lunch box ready for school. It stays suitably cold until it's time to be eaten but also has enough time to thaw properly.