(Apologies - just after I decided to keep my blog more up to date, everyone got ill, including our dog(!) so once again it's been longer than I hoped).
In this blog post I want to focus on the teenager with autism and anxiety.
I think it's very easy to assume that when our children become teenagers, they no longer require as much input from us. However I want to challenge that way of thinking. I think our teenagers need us just as much as they ever did.
One of the best ways to support your teenager is to make sure you really listen to them when they're talking. Take an interest in what they're saying even if it might seem mundane. Know their lives, their teachers and TAs, their friends, their timetables. Know when they have exams or tests and in what subjects. By taking an interest in all of these things you will understand their lives much better than if you stop listening as soon as they reach the age of 13. You can genuinely take an interest when they tell you their friend was off school ill. You can sympathise when they have a subject they don't like or are worried about a test. An excellent way to reduce anxiety is to know exact details about your teenager's life so you can have conversations with them that matter to them. Being able to unload their stresses or talk about their successes to you will help incredibly.
A clear sign that your teen is stressed is by them not wanting to talk or by them getting frustrated with everyone. Often this can be diffused by asking simple questions about the day to breakdown exactly what might be causing the stress:
"Was Daniel back at school today?" (you know from talking previously to your teen that Daniel is a good friend and he was off the previous day)
"How did English go?" (you know from talking previously to your teen that English was a particular issue today due to the work involved)
"How was the science test?" (you know from talking previously to your teen that the science test was a big stress)
"Did you get a chance to talk to Mrs Jones about the computers homework?" (you know from previously talking to your teen that this homework was especially tricky and therefore extra stressful)
Often, once you've asked a few specific questions, your teen will feel much calmer and react in a more rational way. You're helping them to unwind and feel safe. By knowing particular facts about your teen, he/she will really know that you are interested in his/her life and this will reduce stress and anxiety.
I'd also recommend not having other distractions. Don't be looking at a mobile phone or tablet while 'listening' to them - this will make them think you don't care. Put distractions aside and really focus on your teen. If there are other children around (which I totally understand as a mum of 3), ask them to wait or do something else while to talk to your teen. Teenagers with autism need to know that you can hear them and if other people are trying to talk at the same time or you have one eye on your mobile phone, it will cause more anxiety and stress for them as they feel unable to engage fully with you.
In summary, listen without distractions and take a genuine interest in your teenager.
Thanks for reading!
