Taking autism on holiday is no easy thing! I’m going to write about a recent family weekend away with my son, Sam, who is 9 and has autism.
Sam greatly anticipated this weekend as he would get to see
his cousins and grandparents, however the anticipation is never matched by the
reality and inevitably within a few minutes of arriving at our destination, I
could sense Sam was stressed. He hovered next to me and asked repeatedly if he
could play angry birds on my mobile phone. Sensing this would calm him, I
agreed and he sat on the sofa alone, playing the game and calming down.
The cousins’ house was new to us and part way through
various renovations. This immediately stressed Sam. To him, everything should
have looked like a proper finished, neat house, and it didn’t. Even at the age
of 9, he couldn’t understand why things were unpainted, undecorated or
unfinished even after lots of explanation. There were also piles of clutter in
various places (a relief to me – that I wasn’t the only mum with some element
of mess in the house!) but a major stress to Sam. Of course our arrival didn’t
help the house to be any more tidy as we had our own luggage and needed to
sleep on floors, all of which added to the distress Sam was feeling. I tried to
reassure him by telling him that it’s hard not to have a cluttered house with 3
children and that decorating was part way through but he was incredibly
stressed by his new surroundings. He kept saying “I liked their old house” and
“I’m not saying I don’t like this house, it’s just so cluttered” then repeating
the statement over and over – “Mummy, I’m not saying I don’t like this house,
it’s just the clutter”…. “So mummy, I’m not saying I don’t like this house,
it’s just the clutter”. We were all given one bedroom to sleep in which was
great as it was easier to sort out any children who were awake in the night,
however at bedtime, Sam was incredibly sad. He didn’t want to come into the
room (which had cracks in the walls and half ripped off wall paper), but after
lots of encouragement managed to come in so I could help him get ready for bed.
He laid down and sobbed. He was emotionally exhausted. He repeated again why he
was so upset “So mummy, I’m not saying I don’t like this house, it’s just the
clutter”. I hugged him, told him I understood and he eventually fell asleep
holding my hand.
(By contrast, my other children had a fantastic time playing
with their cousins, not at all concerned with the house or décor – just
interested in playing!).
The next day we’d planned to visit a local miniature railway
as Sam loves steam trains and was very excited at the prospect of being able to
visit and ride on a miniature train. The venue was a huge success – although
the weather was freezing – and we all enjoyed riding on the train and then
spending time in the park and looking at the model railways that were set up.
As the cold got to us and we decided to leave, Sam was sad. Not because we were
leaving but because he wanted a miniature railway of his own (he’s constantly
asking if we can build one in the garden!). To most children this may be a
passing comment but to Sam it presses on his mind for the rest of the day.
Something we’d done for him and which should have made him happy, ends up making
him sad because he can’t have the unrealistic thing he really wants. He loses
sight of the nice thing we’ve done and the enjoyment he had doing it and
focuses on the fact that he can’t have a miniature railway of his own. His mood
spirals downwards and he then moans for the rest of the day about wanting
something he can’t possibly have.
In the afternoon Sam and I went out with my sister-in-law and
one of her children. It was calm and peaceful with only 2 children. Sam seemed
to love it. The purpose of the trip was simply to look at lampposts – Sam’s
other passion! He loves lampposts, knows exactly where they are, which numbers
are where and which side of the road they are on. Going to his cousins’ house
was no exception. As soon as we entered the outskirts of the town he was
commenting on the types of lampposts and was very excited to discover that they
were in the process of replacing the old lampposts with new ones! My
sister-in-law took us on a mini-tour of the town to include as many unusual
lampposts as possible – this was both perfect and fascinating for Sam.
The day before leaving we visited the marina so that Sam
could see the bridges he likes there but there are also lampposts which he
loved counting. His obsession with lampposts includes having to know how the
numbering of them works. He enjoyed figuring out the numbering system here even
though the lampposts were on different parts of the marina.
Sam did have fun at the weekend too. He loves playing with
his cousins but autism is always there and is always more noticeable at times
like this when he’s out of his comfort zone. We know that Sam will be more
stressed at times like this and know that he just needs more help, more
reassurance and probably more cuddles through the time away than a typical
child would. Sam may look and even seem ‘normal’ to other people but autism is
always there and impacts the whole family and any family holiday. I hope this
helps you see a small glimpse into what autism is like and how it impacts life
every day.
