Here are a few things that I think people say to autism parents to try and help them feel better, but they are actually really unhelpful. They are all things I've experienced and I'm sure are common among special needs parents:
- They seem fine to me
- My child does that too
- Boys always develop slower than girls
- It's completely normal behaviour
- I never see them doing that
- My kids all went through that
Why are these (and similar) comments unhelpful?
It's because it belittles what the parent is saying and creates doubt in their mind, that everything they are experiencing with their special needs child, is just in their head, when in actual fact, it's not. Remember, it is only the parent who sees the complete picture, the people who see the family once or twice a week are only seeing a tiny piece of the picture. You might think you're being helpful when you make comments like this, but you're not. It never helps a special needs parent to be told their child is just like everyone else, it makes them feel useless as a parent - I know, I've been there!
Instead, try to be sympathetic to their feelings, listen to them, and make helpful suggestions, such as "If you have any concerns, you could talk to your GP". This will be a much more positive step and will actually help them feel that they aren't alone, (or crazy!).
